The world of business celebrates expertise. So, stepping into the role of a beginner in a Global Executive MBA program can be both exhilarating and daunting. As I embarked on this journey, I found myself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions: stress, doubt, fear, and uncertainty. As an author, I view life’s experiences as chapters. So, if I were to title my first residency experience, it would be “Beginner Again.”

Term 1: A Journey of Self-Discovery

Term 1 challenged me to embrace vulnerability on a deeper level and rediscover the transformative power of self-kindness, love, patience, and perspective. Here’s a glimpse into the key lessons from each chapter of this transformative experience.

Chapter 1 – The Weight of Expertise: Stepping into the Unknown

Reflecting on past achievements can make the idea of being a beginner again seem daunting. Just as a successful business thrives on familiar routines, I too had grown accustomed to being the expert in my comfort zone.

For example, when I started writing, the fear of not being good enough was paralyzing. But I pushed through and kept writing, eventually landing a book deal with two publishing houses; one in the U.S. and the other in Beijing, China. However, this confidence didn’t necessarily translate to the business world. Questions flooded my mind: Could I juggle school and work? Would my voice be heard among the experts? Would I succeed in this unfamiliar territory?

These anxieties led to self-criticism, which subsided only when I embraced self-kindness. One instance stands out. Staring at a confusing quant assignment, I felt lost and stuck. I called my mom to vent. She listened gently and offered a simple yet profound reminder: “Trillion, you’re a student. It’s okay not to know everything.”

This understanding propelled me into a journey of self-kindness, filled with similar unexpected moments of connection with classmates. During a class break, I turned and jokingly confessed to Rob Saylor II, a finance guru, “I’m not a finance person like you.” He simply smiled and said, “Yet.” It was a gentle reminder that growth is a process. He may not have seen that one word as momentous but it struck a chord deep in my heart. I also quickly adjusted as I realized that negative self-talk, even delivered in jest, isn’t harmless.

Chapter 2 – Navigating the Storm: Confronting Self-Criticism With Self-Kindness

Self-criticism, that relentless inner voice, can be a double-edged sword. The pressure to excel in a demanding environment can lead to a barrage of negativity. It’s crucial to counter this with self-kindness.

Think of yourself as the CEO of your own journey. How would you lead yourself to achieve optimal growth? Businesses invest in nurturing their employees. Shouldn’t we invest in nurturing ourselves? It’s easier said than done, especially when fear hijacks our amygdala, the part of our brain that registers danger, leading us to fight, avoid challenges, or become paralyzed.

If you find it difficult to generate self-kindness, borrow it from others. Here are some self-kindness statements to reflect on:

• Focusing on self-acceptance: “I am worthy of love and happiness, just as I am.” “Everyone makes mistakes. It’s okay.” “I am learning and growing every day.”
• Offering self-compassion: “May I be kind to myself in this moment.” “May I forgive myself for my imperfections.” “May I breathe deeply and release any tension I am holding.”
• Encouraging self-care: “I will nourish my body with healthy food and rest.” “I will surround myself with positive and supportive people.” “I will take time for activities that bring me joy and peace.”

Here are some of my personal favorites for finding strength:

• Recognizing my true source of power: “I am an heir of God and a joint heir with Jesus Christ.”
• Acknowledging my struggles: “I give myself permission to feel what I feel right now. This is a normal response to this situation.”
• Focusing on my strengths: “I am a creative and resourceful person.”
• Celebrating small wins: “I am proud of myself for getting through this difficult task.”
• Offering words of encouragement: “You can do this, one step at a time.”
• Remembering that I have options: “God has not given me fear, so I can choose to instead feel powerful, loved, and stable in my thought process.”

Chapter 3 – Fear: The Silent Saboteur and the Power of Love

Fear has a way of holding us back, lurking beneath our actions and decisions. Yet, successful businesses embrace calculated risks. We too can challenge fear’s dominance.

Term 1 was riddled with fear, particularly the fear of failing. I take pride in finishing what I start, but the thought of quitting school crossed my mind more than once. I even tried to rationalize quitting by telling myself I didn’t “need” an MBA because I already had an M.S. and Ph.D. But I challenged myself: Which option would you prefer?

• Option 1: Quit before even seeing the results because fear terrifies you.
• Option 2: Struggle, question your abilities, seek help from tutors, and persevere to the finish line.”

Thankfully, I’m still here writing to you, which option do you think I chose? This experience reminded me that I’ve faced fear before and emerged stronger. I even discuss overcoming the fear of love in my TEDx talk, “Overcoming the Fear of Love.”

Imagine approaching your MBA journey with the mindset of a business leader, making choices aligned with your passions and values. In this context, could self-love mean acting from a place of self-compassion and self-trust? Absolutely. But to show myself love and trust myself, I had to embrace vulnerability and confront any lingering shame.

Chapter 4 – Shame and Vulnerability: Unveiling the True Strength of Authenticity

Shame can cast a shadow over our efforts, especially when we fall short of our own expectations. However, embracing vulnerability is like shedding light on that shadow.

Vulnerability was a foreign concept to me. During my Ph.D. program, I came face-to-face with my lack of vulnerability. Sitting in the director’s office, crying about my experience not meeting my expectations, I felt immense embarrassment. However, she offered me a tissue and said, “Trillion, your tears are a gift to me.”

While I initially thought it was silly, it was the first time she saw me display authenticity. This experience made me realize I couldn’t stay inauthentic any longer. I began allowing myself to feel a full range of emotions, not just happiness and anxiety.

That experience stuck with me. During my first week at Residency 1 in Durham, North Carolina, I cried with a few classmates. There was “no shame in my game,” as they say. I’ve come to realize that the best way to abolish shame is to feel and honor your emotions. Shame hides, but vulnerability reveals the best parts of who you are, not the perfect parts, but the ones you might prefer to keep hidden.

Just as a business leader might admit mistakes and learn from them, could we too acknowledge our vulnerabilities as stepping stones to growth? Can vulnerability become our badge of courage, a testament to our willingness to learn and evolve? By embracing vulnerability, we open ourselves to patience.

Chapter 5 – Frustration and Patience: Navigating the Rapids of Learning

The fast-paced business school environment can lead to frustration when things don’t go as planned. Remember, every successful enterprise faces setbacks. Could we view our journey through the lens of a business plan — a strategic roadmap where adaptability and resilience are key? What if we approach challenges with the patience of a seasoned entrepreneur, knowing that growth takes time? This perspective can help mitigate anxiety and worry.

One strategy that helped me manage unrealistic expectations was to ask successful business owners where they started. Unsurprisingly, none began with 100% confidence. We often forget this when we’re far removed from the starting line. I craved results immediately, but that only fueled my impatience.

Think about it: how long did it take you to learn to walk? Spell your entire name? Type fluently? Master Excel? Every experience takes time to learn, whether it’s hours or years. Be realistic with yourself, as I had to do, and give yourself the grace to learn at your own pace. The alternative is worry, leading to insomnia, poor appetite, and strained relationships. Who wants to sign up for that?

Chapter 6 – Worry and Perspective: Drawing Strength From Past Successes

Worry is a natural companion on any significant journey. However, it’s important to remember that past successes are a testament to our capabilities. When I imagine those successes as milestones in my career trajectory, it gives me confidence to move forward even in times of uncertainty.

When worry overwhelmed me, I asked myself, “Trillion, if you’ve conquered challenges before, what’s stopping you from conquering this challenge today?” I reminded myself of surviving Calculus I and II in undergrad, completing my Master’s and Ph.D. with high honors, and writing a 100+ page dissertation (which I thought would take me out!).

My advice to anyone struggling with this is to ask yourself what you wish to remind yourself of today. Jot down a few of your wins to scan on days when you feel less than successful. These moments of reflection could save you from throwing in the towel or being unkind to yourself.

Chapter 7 – Embracing the Journey

As I reflect on my first residency experience, I realize that being a beginner again is not a setback or something to be ashamed of. It’s a unique opportunity for growth. Just as a business evolves, so too must we embrace change, vulnerability, and self-kindness.

Let’s rewrite the narrative of our MBA journey, not as a daunting feat, but as a thrilling adventure of becoming the best version of ourselves. What if we embrace the role of a beginner, for in that vulnerability lies the true essence of growth and transformation?

This journey is not just mine; it’s ours to share. So, for anyone embarking on their own business school adventure, remember:

• Embrace the beginner’s mindset.
• Lean into vulnerability and self-compassion.
• Celebrate your past wins as stepping stones to future success.
• View challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.

Together, let’s rewrite the narrative and redefine what it means to be a beginner. May the next chapter of your life be one that you actively participate in.