When I started at Fuqua back in June 2022, I knew this experience would be life-changing, but I had no idea just how much my life would change over the next three years. (Yes, you read that right. This two-year program ended up taking me three years.) I still remember the opening speech that Professor Ashleigh Shelby Rosette gave during our first residency. She shared the African phrase Ubuntu, which means I am because we are. It defined the interconnectedness we all have in a shared success. Ubuntu has stuck with me and has been proven to be true time and time again.

My main purpose in coming to Fuqua was simple. I had spent nearly a decade working in pharmaceutical development, but for reasons I’ll explain later, I was stuck in a pattern of feeling like I didn’t belong. I wanted to prove that I could do this, get an MBA and tackle anything else that came my way. I didn’t know then the immense heartbreak I would face, the lifelong connections I would make, or how much it would mean to me that I would walk across the stage on graduation day.

MBA: Take 1

I started my Weekend Executive MBA journey with the Class of 2024  in a way that many will tell you to avoid, if at all possible, while enrolled: pregnant. This was my first pregnancy, but I was determined to prove to everyone I could do it all. I mean, my wife had our son the year prior, and her pregnancy was “magical.” I could handle being a little extra tired. (Naïve, I know.)

My pregnancy, while better than some, was the opposite of “magical” — I lost 15 pounds in the first trimester because I was so sick. Tired doesn’t even begin to cover the exhaustion and brain fog, let alone the toll this pregnancy was taking on my heart.

I was not only struggling day in and day out to just exist, but I was letting this amazing opportunity slip through my fingers. I knew that to do myself, my baby, and my Fuqua team justice, I needed to take a leave of absence. Coming to this conclusion was incredibly difficult as I had already completed most of the first term, but I knew it was right. Looking back, I still know I was right, and there’s some relief in that.

Fast forward to January 2023, I’m 36 weeks pregnant and excited to welcome my little girl into the world. Unfortunately, this story doesn’t end happily. I woke up the morning of January 29^th and realized I hadn’t felt my little girl move in a while. That can be normal. Life gets busy, and you have to be intentional with your time. I spent the next two hours laser-focused on my belly, looking for any sign of movement.

As you may have guessed by now, no movement came. My wife and I rushed to the hospital, after being instructed to do so, and our worst fears were confirmed via ultrasound. A machine that brings such joy and optimism crashed our hopes in an instant. My little girl, Sawyer, was delivered stillborn the following day.

Even in grief, you can find beauty, and I did so looking at the face of my little girl, seeing my lips and nose reflected back at me. My family and extended family drove hundreds of miles to be with us and to hold her before we ultimately had to say goodbye.

Reshaping My “Why”

You might be asking yourself at this point why I am telling you this very personal story. Well, this moment completely changed my “why” when it came to my MBA.

When I started in June 2022, my “why” was about rewriting my narrative around education. I wanted to prove I belonged in my department surrounded by PhDs. I got my undergraduate degree in chemistry at UNC Chapel Hill in 2013, but due to some childhood trauma, I barely passed. Most of my professional career had been spent making up for that poor performance and showing that hard work and an aptitude for on-the-job learning can get you just as far.

But I was working amongst some of the brightest minds, and it was obvious my company favored the resumé of those with higher degrees. I had major imposter syndrome, and I wanted to prove my worth, not only to those around me, but to myself.

After losing Sawyer, this “why” changed. It was no longer just about me. Earning an MBA is difficult and time-consuming — you have to want it for the right reasons. Those reasons can be all over the spectrum as long as they’re right for you.

Finding my self-worth was no longer the right reason for me. My new motivation was to show my oldest son and future children that even when life breaks you down, you can still get up and shoot for the stars. Proving that “mom can do hard things.”

MBA: Take 2

When I restarted my MBA journey in June 2023, I had a whole new take on what this experience would be. I wanted to excel, but more than anything, I wanted to be present. Team Fuqua isn’t just a mantra; it’s a tried-and-true system that lifts one another up as we learn and grow together.

My first team of six, Team Cobras, as we liked to call ourselves, was the epitome of Team Fuqua. It introduced me to two of my best friends, Heike DaSilva and Jacob Smith. Our first six months together would come to be the start of a friendship that spanned well past the bounds of education.

In my first two terms with this team, I kept to my commitment of showing up. I was always prepared and ready to argue my side, teach where understanding was lacking, while staying open to opposing views. Most of all, I was ready to make sure we all were positioned for success.

Let me tell you, tackling school without being pregnant felt so much easier while still being demanding. So much so that I added extra classes to earn a Health Sector Management (HSM) Certificate, as I was in the pharmaceutical industry, and HSM is one of Fuqua’s unique draws.  

Determined to make the most of the time I had in this program, I also added Fuqua Client Consulting Practicum (FCCP) to my course load.  I’ll be honest — FCCP is not for the faint-hearted. I worked more on that one course than I did all three courses in Term 3. At one point, I was enrolled in 14 credit hours. I do NOT recommend this, but my “why” was still shining through. I was taking this time away from my family, so I was going to make the most of it to be a role model for my kids.

Support Systems and Second Chances

Even though my plate was overflowing with coursework, a full-time job, and a wife and son at home, I still felt the emptiness created from the loss of my little girl. I hated every minute of being pregnant, but I knew I had to do it again for me. I had already experienced five hospitalizations, including three emergency surgeries, on my journey to having children. I needed to have a successful outcome, and I knew I wasn’t patient enough to wait until the program was over.

Again, I do NOT recommend getting pregnant while in the program, but my wife and I decided waiting was more difficult than trying to play the balancing game. So, in May 2024, I became pregnant once again. Luckily, this one wasn’t as difficult, and the coursework also seemed to get a little lighter.

The work I had put into my teams while I had the time was paying off in dividends because my team was able to return that support when I needed it. My second team, Team Dragon, took on more of the load because they knew my story. They wanted this pregnancy to be successful just as much as I did. That’s the thing about Team Fuqua: your success is their success and vice versa. I was able to manage my pregnancy because of my team and other classmates who helped me beyond just sharing notes. I was reminded of Professor Shelby Rosette’s speech two years earlier as my team channeled Ubuntu, and I was immensely grateful.

The Storm That Changed Everything

Moving into the fall of 2024, I was set to start Term 5 of 6 in the Weekend Executive MBA program. The Friday before courses began, I was on campus to deliver my HSM Seminar final presentation. I remember this so vividly because this was when Hurricane Helene swept through Western North Carolina, with the edge of the storm hitting Durham.

My team’s presentation was interrupted by a tornado warning near Duke’s campus, and we had to quickly huddle in the HSM office. I remember sitting with some classmates talking about tornadoes while doing a puzzle that had been left out for any students looking for a space to connect. At the time, I didn’t think much of the hurricane other than it saved me from the brutal Q&A coming our way after our presentation. What transpired that day has come to impact my life more than any other single event to date, but it would take another day for me to realize it.

The following day, my classmates and I were invited to run through basketball drills with some of Duke’s men’s basketball coaches in the legendary Cameron Indoor Stadium — a pretty good workout for a 5-month pregnant woman. I was resting on the hotel bed when I heard a knock on my door. I opened to find my wife staring shakily at me. As tears filled her eyes, I heard her say, “Your mom is missing.”

I knew my mom and stepdad were headed to the North Carolina mountains that previous Thursday to check on their newly built cabin and to lift the garage doors to ensure any floodwaters flowed beneath freely. What I hadn’t appreciated yet, like most of America, was how devastating Hurricane Helene proved to be in Western NC.

My mom is probably my favorite person on this Earth, next to my wife and little brother (and my sons, on some days). Nothing noteworthy happened in my life that didn’t result in my immediately picking up the phone to call my mom. She was the second person I told about my acceptance to Duke after my wife. When my stillbirth was confirmed, my mom was my first call. She dropped everything and came to the hospital, spending the next two days in the room with me. I called her on the way home after every doctor’s appointment during my second pregnancy.

When those words came out of my wife’s mouth, my world went sideways. I knew I couldn’t stay in school while not knowing where my mom was. It would be a disservice to me and the time I had dedicated to my studies, as well as to my family, who were all gathering to figure out what to do next. I managed to shoot off a handful of emails to the program team and my professors, letting them know I would be taking another leave of absence. Then, my wife and I packed up and left Duke for what I thought would be the last time until the following fall when I could resume studies.

When Classmates Become Lifelines

I spent the next week with my family doing everything we could to get information on what was happening in Western NC. We managed to get in contact with someone with Starlink who confirmed what had happened. My mom and stepdad’s house slid into the river running by their house while they were still in it. At some point, it crashed, and my stepdad was able to pull himself out of the river, but my mom was missing.

Remember how I told you Jacob and Heike showed up in ways that spanned beyond education? This was it. Jacob called me after it was confirmed that my mom was missing and hired a private investigator to help find her, taking care of all expenses. The investigator was with my uncle when they made contact with my stepdad for the first time two days later. I still have yet to find a way to thank Jacob for this incredible gesture, but I know he knows in his heart what this meant to me and my family.

Heike was the person my wife reached out to before coming to find me on campus to ask for guidance and help. Heike has been more than a friend in these times and has checked in regularly, sending words of strength and expecting nothing in return.

Unfortunately, my mom was never found. What compounded this pain was the fact that, yet again, I had to push off schooling for traumatic endings. I had been on this 15-month journey with an amazing group of people, but that came to a striking end.

Finishing Strong, Together

It pained me to know that these people would be walking across a stage at graduation without me when I had put in countless hours next to them. Ideating, creating, and learning with them. It wasn’t until Jacob reminded me that I had extra credits from having taken FCCP that I could feasibly still graduate with everyone!

Given my unique history, special approval was granted to allow me to take three electives during Term 6. For the last time, I do NOT recommend taking three electives at one time. It is brutal, and I know I did not take away all of the knowledge I would have if I only had two courses, but I was able to do it.

On top of that, Sherry Hightower, assistant director for Fuqua’s Center for Health Sector Management, reached out with another opportunity. I could still walk at the HSM closing ceremony if I completed the final project course. So, what did I do?? Pile that on top! I’m nothing if not a glutton for punishment.

What really pushed me was not only my dedication to my studies, but to the classmates who had been there with me through it all. Whether they knew it or not, I felt my success was theirs, and theirs mine. Ubuntu in full force. I deserved to walk across the stage and celebrate with my cohort. And walk, I did.

Looking back, each one of these experiences has changed the way I choose to live my life, resulting in the following core principles.

1. Know Your Why

My “why” shifted early on, from proving myself to being a role model for my kids. I believe in the trickle-down effect of success and giving my kids a launching point to measure their own success. My “why” is what pushed me to continually rededicate myself to the pursuit of my MBA and beyond.

Find your why. Find what energizes and drives you and remind yourself of it often. When times get tough, your “why” will keep you focused in the right direction.

2. Show Up Early

When I became pregnant, it was harder for me to be present and give equally to all team assignments. Because I had put the effort in early on, I could take a step back and lean on my teammates without guilt or shame.

We all know life can be hectic and unpredictable. You get sick, family emergencies pop up, your car breaks down. The more effort you dedicate early on to your coworkers, your partner, or any other team, the easier it will be to lean on them when life hits.

3. Build Your Team

Ubuntu, “I am because we are.” Build your team early. At Fuqua, we were privileged to be surrounded by amazing individuals who took on this journey expecting to lean into the team concept. Take that with you to your work and life. Find those willing to go all-in on a collective success. Never think your success is yours alone. Build each other up and see how the blessings flow.

I’m so thankful for the support I received at Fuqua, including the Weekend Executive MBA program team, especially Melinda Strickland and Karen Courtney. They both reached out to me multiple times to check in personally. Melinda went above and beyond to make sure I had access to anything I might need to ensure I was successful. She is a beautiful human, and any student who has the privilege to work with her is better prepared because of it.

The HSM team, especially Kate Miller and Sherry Hightower, checked in and hugged me with warmth when they saw me. Sherry took it as a personal goal to see me walk at the closing ceremony and cheered me on alongside my wife.

As you can probably tell, my family is endlessly important to me. Without my wife, this incredible achievement would have been impossible. I have shared every moment of this tumultuous journey with her, from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. “Thank you” will never be enough.

I dedicate this journey to both my sons, Holden and Graham, and to my angel baby Sawyer: Mom CAN do hard things. And to my mom: I can do hard things because you showed me how.